Lost World – Day 4 – On strike

AM: Woke up with a bit of a hangover, and stayed in my tent until I heard the jeep pulling out as the majority of the group went out to walk the Celsos trail. The remaining 3 volunteers; Michael, Nancy & I – and our scientist Marcelo and Biosphere Expeditions' observer Malike remained at base camp and were to take a half days hike.
At lunchtime I informed them that I was not going hiking – I was too tired. Michael said the same and we watched a movie while the others went out to find another trail. After the movie, I fell asleep in the hammock until late afternoon when the others came back. I really didn't feel up to hiking in the forest. Everyone had said that I would feel differently in the morning and that things would look better – but the problem is not that I am scared of the forest – I knew & still know that we would get out – it never entered my mind that we would not make it back. I just don't want to put myself in that situation again EVER – I am on vacation – travelling – yes, to push my limits & boundaries – but I also know some of my limits and I have no valid reason for putting myself in danger again. And we were in danger – when I think of the ways we tried to make our way through the forest – it still upsets me & freaks me out.
PM: After dinner tonight, I spoke to Ronald about how I felt. Basically I said I did not want to go back into the forest – full stop. He has tried to convince me that I can stick to well known trails and that I will not get lost again, but I am not convinced. He has spoken with Marcelo and tomorrow we will do an easy, wide trail that we cannot get lost on – no adventures – so that I can regain confidence and get back into the program.